HOPE

hope the way i feel brown jacket alpha centauri the sky freedom light at night the onset of winter who am i? unaquainted friends when you wake bruising

i turn up the volume and hope that it will drown out the though in my head.

thinking about what my life means, what it will mean when i am an old man sitting

in a big empty house with large rooms and fancy cabinets and wardrobes and a comfortable

easy chair that is not some of this modern american lazy man crap, but something with some

style. some class. i think of what a family of my own will be like, will the world be

changed by the actions they take? what does it mean to sit in the upper room with a dresser

and a window. writing poetry. will my life amount to something then, does it earn me

something extra to record thought, to publish rubish? will rocking back and forth

on the bare wood floor ease the tears of uslessness and loneliness?

these thoughts concern me. i try my hardest to push them from my head with a car stereo

that wont seem to go loud enough. the volume is at max,only loud enough to get my eyes to

tear up. but my thoughts are not distinguished by the old familiar songs. maybe the

problem is change, maybe the problem is that i am not changing with everything else that

wont stop changing. the band i am listening to has been broken up for a number of years,

like many of the other bands i chose to listen to. the thing is that change is inevetable.

i have gone through this whole thing before when all my friends moved away a few years back.

things change, people get married. people move, people have kids. its not all the same

anymore. it never will be the same. you can never get tomorow back. the time you spend

reading this instead of telling your best frend you love them you can never get back.

things change. it is the way it is. if it weren't so we wouldn't be here (or anywhere.)

do things have to change though? i believe that hope lies around the corner.

not everything changes.

i know a man that has been the same for years and years and years.

as long as i can remember, as long as anyone can remember.

hope.